Congratulations Hollywood, You Win!

You did it! You created images, scenes and adventures most of us will not ever know.  The glamorous and romantic filled love stories some of us will hold as our relationship goals that will never occur.   It will not mimic the adventures you portray in countries and far off exotic places.  It may not involve the beautiful people you include or produce the scenic landscapes you have created through computer generated images.

But.

I think that is for the best.

©girlguidescanblog.ca

I have been influenced by TV and movies along with the production of celebrity.  I wanted to look like the models in the magazines I read as a teen.  I purchased the lip gloss, eye shadow, sweaters and bags that mirrored my favorite actress in whatever her latest movie was.  I thought these things were going to enhance my teen years in such a way that I was bound for popularity.  Oh how things would be!

You start to realize as you progress in life…age…that what you see in the movies isn’t always real.  Cliched yes, but bears repeating.  I still get caught up in a good love story chic flick where he finally, after every sweet notion and missed opportunity, gets the  girl!  Hooray!  Insert whatever movie tugged at your heart strings at some point here.

At the other end of the spectrum the shows and movies where someone hard on their luck gets a big break after all hope is lost.  This also may not mirror reality.  It sure looks good in the movie when after bankruptcy and a family falling apart things turn around when all was thought to be lost.

Regardless of what you can relate to in a movie or TV series, Hollywood has given us some idealistic theories of which reality may refute.  The movies do offer a suspension of reality for a couple hours, or longer if you are bingeing the latest releases on Netflix.  It does, at times, give us some false sense of reality.  Relationships fail but hopefully we have learned something.  Careers are not always as successful as we once hoped.  Missed opportunities are simply…missed.

© Seventeen

Hollywood isn’t bad.  You just have to keep your wits about you and realize if your partner isn’t showering you with roses and dinners every other night it doesn’t mean your relationships pale in comparison.  The key is not to compare it what you have observed on the big screen.  You know that one thing your loved one does that makes you smile or how they remembered that one thing about you that you forgot yourself…those things are better than any computer generated images or scripted moment in any movie.

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Their love isn’t my love.

And that is fine with me.

I compare things.  One price versus another at the store.  Items online.  Flavors of ice cream.  Colors of an outfit.  But those most damaging comparison I make the relationship I am in versus others.

It is an ugly habit to get into and worse to stay in.  Now keep in mind it’s quite natural to compare ourselves to others in numerous ways.  However, when we start to measure ourselves as better or less than, that’s when the trouble starts.

It doesn’t matter to what extent because my relationship will never be like theirs and theirs will never be like mine…and that’s perfect.

The biggest flaw behind comparing ourselves to others is that we will never know the true story.  Honestly, who is going to air their dirty laundry in front of others?  Granted some couples seem to enjoy having an audience while they exchange gripes and putdowns, but for the most part people put on their best face and act a certain way when around others.

We would be fooling ourselves if we believed everyone else’s relationships were perfect except ours, but some of us do.  We are caught up in measuring our relationship against someone else’s.

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One way to start to unravel this destructive habit is to watch your thoughts.  I mean get the magnifying glass out, although if you are like me you are well aware of your thoughts; for some this will be a newer concept.  I’m not offering surefire advice but I can tell you monitoring your thoughts will provide you with some incredible insight.

What does you internal dialogue sound like?  Do you find a lot of always’ and nevers?  That is one clue you may be thinking in extremes.

You are meant to be in the relationship you are in as you!

The tower is down…uh, what?

Oh the drama that silence can create!

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I have been texting a few people today and have yet to receive a response.  Now me…the emotional and sometimes irrational thinker that I can be, started to panic after about three hours of no response.

Ugh, that’s a lie.

I actually started to hover around insanity after thirty minutes, but I didn’t want to admit that.

I’m slightly embarrassed and will spare you the details but the toll of waiting for responses that don’t come does something to a person.  Is this becuase we are an instant gratification type of society and if we can’t get something immediately we freak out?

Is it just me?

Well, I will say that it makes sense when your regular line of communication involves texting someone and getting a response within an hour or two turns into five hours…and counting, yeah, it might effect you.

Perhaps freak out is a little dramatic.  I mean you start to wonder why they haven’t responded and some emotions may find themselves attached to that.  I can go full on into imagination and when stories start getting created because, although I have nothing to go on other than the no response thing, my brain has to make sense of it.  I have to figure it out.  Whether it be right or a mile off, I find some comfort in coming to a conclusion.  Yes, this has gotten me into trouble before as assumptions often do.

I finally took to the internet because the internet wouldn’t lie.  Right?

I took to the internet and found out towers are down or there is an outage and texts are not going through.  Sigh of relief.  This however is causing people to take to the forums in disgust.  I get it.  I too was frustrated.  I find some peace about the situation knowing it is a technical issue rather than a personal one.

I think I have some calls to make…or attempt to.

Banana Peels and Time

The early phases of a relationship where your partner does everything right and is possibly the dreamiest person you’ve ever met, doesn’t last forever.

Take for instance a leftover banana peel on the counter the first month of dating.  Oh how forgetful of your dear to have left it there.  It’s no problem, you’ll take care of it.

Cut to six months later.  That’s odd…there’s a banana peel on the counter again.  Hmm.  It’s not yours so the mystery of ownership is solved.  If it’s not a banana peel, it’s a nearly empty milk carton in the fridge or a forgotten item on the list when they went to the store.  Things change.  Maybe its supposed to as it often does.  Now these are not grounds for an uprising but do you remember how your feelings about this instance were in the beginning?  It didn’t bother you before so why does it now?

I don’t have an answer that’s why I’m asking the question.

I have my suspicions though.  Well, actually a few.

I think the desire to make a relationship work allows you to gloss over stuff in the beginning.  I think it may actually be less of a big deal in the beginning but as time goes on it’s a trigger for some other issue.  It might remind you of something else your partner didn’t do and it’s not the actual peel that disrupts your mood, but rather something else you have been holding on to.

I can’t offer a solution to dealing with frustrations that may occur after the so-called honeymoon period is over.  I can say that by letting things build up inside whether its frustrations or something bothering you, it could make addressing the initial issue a little difficult.  When emotions come into play things can get a little messy.  That’s ok but it makes it a difficult to work out the root of the problem if emotions are taking you on a wild ride.

I’m getting better at doing this myself but I still struggle a little.  Wondering if it is something worth addressing or if my mood is causing me to be a little sensitive at that point in time.  I think the strength of a relationship is well off when you can bring this to your partner and work through it.  Maybe you see things from their perspective and realize your reaction isn’t due to their actions at the time.  It could be that it is an issue and the fact you brought it up now will save you and your partner some frustrations down the road.

I have been away for awhile.

I’m a pretty private person so the fact that I started a blog about a year ago still baffles me.  Maybe because I don’t know who is really reading it or because I can express myself without interruption. I have thought about deleting this blog figuring although I have had multiple topics for posts a day for the last three months, I’ve written nothing.  I talked myself out of posting much of anything.

I’m going through some things and although I have been journaling privately I figured I would log on here and find some inspiration.  I also figured I would be logging on to a blog that my followers would have left by now.  I suppose that might be irrational or a trigger for my fear of abandonment.  Either way I was pleased to see that hadn’t happen.

I have been learning some things about myself recently, along with some things about myself in this relationship.  I might go into those at some point but right now I’m keeping those to myself as I figure some things out.

I have been working on some creative do-it-yourself projects.  I built, with some help from my Dad, a 3×4 foot frame from scratch, painted it a glossy white and used it to frame an engineer print of one of my boyfriend’s Dad’s fields that he farms.  Since I’m a city girl, born and raised, the lifestyle my boyfriend had growing up fascinates me a little beyond his belief.  I have experienced all four seasons of farming and to me it is quite novel.  It has also allowed me to get to know his family better, outside of holidays and get-togethers.  The frame turned out pretty nice though.  The trip home from the hardware store was a bit nerve racking.  I think everyone, including the store associates, were just hoping I got the 3×4 foot piece of glass out of the store so if it did break they wouldn’t have to clean it up.  It flexed a few times, but I got it home and installed safely.

I have been exploring some new gluten free, vegetarian foods.  I cook mostly from scratch.  It is easier for one, knowing it is for sure gluten free and I find it allows me to cook healthier.  My boyfriend has quite a repertoire of recipes that we have translated into gluten free and vegetarian options that are quite delicious!

I haven’t done much with photography lately.  The cold winter months invite me to hibernate and catch up on some movies.  I admit, I have binged watched a season or two of a show on a weekend.  Ugh.

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I have planted some seeds for the garden we have.  They have sprouted a little faster than last year so here is to hoping we get a warm spring so these little guys can get out and breathe.  We have tomatoes, for making our own sauce, along with cucumbers, peppers, basil and carrots.

Well I think that is enough of an update for now.  Thanks for reading!